It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20
This passage draws me back to a conversation years ago with a dear friend who, after listening to my interpretation of limiting surrender to God, responded simply, "God is not an oncologist." What she meant is that God is not interested in a conditional or partial surrender where I hand over some of me but keep the rest, the way the doctor removes the tumor but leaves the surrounding tissue intact. It was the fear of "losing myself" in this process that held me back, that made me want to hold on to pieces, and surrender on my own terms.
I think this is at the core of the human spiritual journey. There are many paths to it and many things surrounding it, but at the core it is about a death of self will and a manifestation of God's will. This death is not like a literal death; it is a progressive death journey, and not a linear progression (the image of a tug of war comes to mind). How is this sustainable? Answer: by faith – faith in a complete sense of the word – not simple belief, but by "sticking with" or being faithful to the decision to surrender. Ironically, that decision is a matter for the will itself, with a developed quality of willingness to surrender by the day, hour, minute. This, in the end, is only possible because of God's grace enabling us to do what we could never do for ourselves. In this light, every desire to hold back becomes a gift toward surrender—another opportunity to choose rightly, and live by faith in Christ.
Rick Downs
